Who Is Bobby Ray?

Bobby Ray Slocum’s got ambition so big it don’t fit in his trailer — problem is, it never made it past his lips. Born with the gift of gab and a talent for avoiding anything with a deadline, Bobby’s been “working on something big” since high school. No one’s seen it. Probably because it never got off the porch.

He talks about business plans between bong hits, dreams of country hits between naps, and thinks the world owes him a second chance he never earned the first time. If bullshit paid rent, Bobby would own a mansion. But instead, he’s broke, bitter, and still blaming the system — or the weather, or his ex, or his shoes.

Back in the day, folks gave him the benefit of the doubt. Bo did. Even White John did. But after too many borrowed tools, half-started “projects,” and calls for help that ended in someone else’s sweat — they all backed off. Bobby stayed behind. Literally. He’s been stuck on the same barstool at Joe’s since Bush was in office.

He’s the reason you lock your cooler at cookouts and keep jumper cables in your own damn truck. And if he calls you crying, don’t worry — he’ll forget it by morning.

Even the Church of the Carburetor tried takin’ him in – Rev Diesel gave him a wrench and a jug, told him, “Redemption takes elbow grease.” Bobby showed up twice, stole gas from the baptism tank, and passed out in the choir pit. Rev just sighed and said, “Not every soul’s meant to idle right.”

His brother Joe once said, “Bobby’s the kinda guy who’d drown in a mud puddle blamin’ the rain.”
They don’t talk much anymore – Joe says he’s got enough wreckage in his yard already.

Legacy

Bobby Ray ain’t evil. Just empty. A warning sign nailed to a splintered fencepost: *“Don’t end up like this.”* He’s got no enemies left, just folks who stopped answering. He blames everyone and thanks no one.

Last anyone checked, he was still talkin’ about starting a podcast. Or a mechanic school. Or maybe a barbecue truck. He’s just waitin’ on a sign, he says. Truth is, the sign already came — and it read “NOPE.”

Raise your glass to the ones who build. And let Bobby Ray drink alone.